Tennis is harder than it looks. For singles you need stamina, speed and gritty determination. Doubles is challenging in other ways. There is court geometry to consider as well as proper shot selection and execution. Often you'll see a player miss a shot and hear someone say something like, "Oh well, it was a good idea." At that point I think to myself that I'd rather have a bad idea - that worked. Playing doubles can be a very bad idea. In singles, you only have yourself to blame. In doubles, you only have yourself to blame. Really.
A good doubles partnership involves chemistry as well as loyalty and patience. You don't need especially good chemistry - it just can't be bad. It is ideal to play with a steady partner. You know each other's games backward and forward. You can anticipate where they'll be and what they'll do. That's the good news. The bad news is that you can anticipate where they'll be and what they'll do. And won't do. But, if you play together on a regular basis, you can cover the holes in the geometry as can your partner.
Mixed doubles adds another layer to the mystery. You need stamina, speed, gritty determination, patience, loyalty and chemistry. You also have to be very good at adjusting. Is it a slow ball from the woman, a bomb of a serve from the guy? Is the other man going to blast you at the net with all he's got? Is that going to royally piss off your partner? Is your female opponent going to consistently lob, interjecting that oh so annoying shot into " boy tennis"? I call it "boy tennis" when the two men get into long, hard rallies, almost as if they were playing singles. It gets confusing.
Mixed doubles has complicated dynamics which you can only learn with experience. Mixed doubles with your partner (as in spouse) is a whole other minefield, I mean ballgame. Most married couples who both play tennis won't play together for very long. If you start asking around you'll hear variations on the same theme. They fought too much, they argued, they got on each other's nerves. Oh, that is the theme. The smart couples accept reality. They stop playing in competitions together. For a while they try to play socially and then they just stop.
Some of us aren't that reasonable and rational. We keep doing the same thing expecting a different result. She wants him to be more of a caretaker and he wants her to care more about winning. The irony is that if he could be more of a caretaker they would be more likely to win. For a wife, the tennis court is a microcosm of life. For a husband, the tennis court is a microcosm of life. It has so much to do with your upbringing. Do you respond better to a carrot or a stick? When I make a mistake I know it. I don't need my partner to tell me not to hit it up to the net player. If I could have made a better shot I would have.
I have noticed that many men will point out our mistakes when they've just made a slew of their own. It's his serve and he whiffs an easy shot. He hits a ball long and then one into the net. It's Love-Forty and he says sternly, "I don't want to lose my serve." What?!? Then stop making so many mistakes, pal. I think it to myself, but there is huge attitude. We're off to the races now. I don't point it out when my partners make errors, so I feel somewhat superior. He knows he wasn't being supportive, but doesn't want to be called on it.
So, why do we do something we know can end badly? Because we met on a tennis court. Because it's what we do for fun. Because if you do well in a tournament it can take up your whole weekend and do you really want to spend it with someone other than your spouse? Because we have built-in partners. Lots of guys will play on mixed teams, but it's challenging to get them to practice with you regularly. They'd rather go golfing or running or play tennis with the guys. Maybe even spend time with their family. Mostly we play tennis together because when it's good it's very, very good and when it's bad well, you have to sit in the car and talk about what went wrong. Again.
As I said to someone recently, Eric and I have had some of our best wins simply because we were playing together. We've also had some of the most pointless losses that only happened because we were playing together and got into a bad dynamic. The other team didn't beat us, we didn't beat ourselves. We, the "partners" beat each other. For the record, I can't ever recall a bad dynamic when we were having an easy win. It's when the going gets tough that the fur starts to fly.
Getting married partners to fight is a common strategy used by their opponents. When the man plays assertively, perhaps taking the woman's ball, the opponents may make a comment like "ball hog" to cause some controversy. A lot of women get miffed when their partner (especially their husband) steps in front of them to take a ball. I say go for it. You're a foot taller, with a longer reach. Be my guest. Just don't blow the shot. No pressure there.
When I first started playing with Eric I was new to tennis, particularly doubles, and he'd been playing since the dawn of time. We agreed that he would take three quarters of the court and I'd tend to my little area. This frustrated our opponents, but worked for us. They would become outraged FOR me, which just enhanced our strategy. Now he trusts me to do what I need to do which makes the game a lot more fun.
The worst doubles dynamic is feeling you need to play for both of you. It never works. The stronger player can't play for the weaker player. They just need to play their game. The idea is to double the competence, but in fact, it cuts it in half. My coach used to say, "You're only as good as your partner." It's not like you're pregnant and you need to eat for two. The more you try to play for both of you, the worse you actually play.
I remember one long, hard mixed match that we had no business winning, but we dug deep and got to a tie breaker at the end of the third set. That's a couple hours of being in the trenches. It got a little tense right at the end. Our opponent said something about us fighting on match point. I responded that we could still win even if we were fighting, which we did.
We have tried different strategies to help us be happy partners. It took a while, but I taught Eric to say "nice try." We instituted some rules like "don't ask - don't tell" and "good shot, good shot, silence". Don't ask, don't tell is basically the cone of silence. I play best in quiet. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. It seems complicated but it's not. Employ a bit of child psychology and catch your partner doing something good. Praise, reward and encourage.
Eric has been bumped up to a higher rating which has solved some problems and created others. We can no longer play together at the level where we had a lot of success, and we don't have a lot of success if I play up. We've had other partners, but that can create its own predicaments. If my husband isn't nice to me when we play together he's obviously an ass. If he's nicer to another female partner, then he's REALLY an ass. Over the weekend I watched a high level mixed match. One of the guys is a local teaching pro. He played with a member from the club where he teaches. She hit a good shot and he gave her a pat on the butt. She looked none too pleased. If you're my partner and you're not married to me, don't pat me on the butt, no matter what. This isn't football.
P.S. If anyone has a couple spare tickets to a first round match at Wimbledon, I promise to take my spouse.
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