 |
| From the Marin Independent Journal |
To friend or not to friend. That is the
question. If you're breathing you're probably on Facebook. Grandmothers,
newborns, businesses and sadly, even dead people can have accounts. You can
run, but you can't hide. Facebook is everywhere.
My first experience with Facebook was in 2005 as the mother of teenagers. Along with Facebook came a new lexicon. Dinner table conversation became even more difficult to decipher than normal. Friending, unfriending, writing on walls. Not writing on walls. Who knew what it all meant.
Form a parental perch it seemed like a lot of drama over nothing, but high school is full of drama. Lana became obsessed with Facebook. She was constantly checking it and talking about who did what on Facebook. Now she's almost 28 and more reserved. She enjoys seeing posts, but doesn't often like to comment because then she'll be notified whenever someone else comments. She also gets annoyed by everyone's GPS postings. Sometimes you don't really care where people are drinking beer.
Time for the full disclosure. My daughter, Lucy, works at Facebook as Product Designer. What that is, I'm not exactly sure, but it keeps her really busy! End of disclosure. Back to post.
The Facebook etiquette can be a little confusing. Social media is so new we're not always sure how it works. I have been thinking about a few suggestions to minimize awkwardness. Let's start with the premise that your feelings (if you have them) WILL be hurt at some point. All your friends will be at a party to which you were not invited. You'll be tagged in a post in an unflattering angle with massive amounts of cellulite peeking out of your short shorts. My daughter, Allie (the PR princess), always shrugs her shoulders and says the same thing when she hears of some such drama or snub. "Gotta love Facebook. "
Promote Thyself
It's fine (even recommended) to use Facebook to promote yourself. Let's Face it (LOL), we all have something to promote. I'm in real estate and I got my last listing through Facebook. However, if you send a request for someone to "like" your business page and they don't "like" it, don't send three more requests! Also, people feel slimed if they sense you don't care about them at all and are ONLY using the site to publicize your business.
Be Nice
The Golden Rule is still golden online. Walls are visible to "friends" and friends may include bosses, exes, siblings, and children. Don't call somebody out in public. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Snarky comments reflect more on the commenter than on those commented upon.
Sex, Politics and Religion
Dinner party etiquette used to dictate that sex, politics and religion were forbidden topics. I disagree. I've been to a LOT of dinner parties and if all those topics were avoided, they wouldn't have been half as much fun! Be tasteful, be respectful and be prepared to have others disagree with you. I was once unfriended by someone after I made the comment that I couldn't understand how a woman could be a Republican. My comment was directly related to a women's rights issue. Some of my good friends are Republican women, but I still think the party's policies are not female-friendly.
Don't Take Over Someone's Wall
If you make a comment on a post and somebody else makes a comment, you may begin a hearty exchange. It could be the start of something big. But, be aware that other posters may be getting a notification every time you say something new. Sometimes it's best just to PM (private message) to finish the conversation. Speaking of PM, how do we like those bobble heads of our friends that pop up? The disembodied image can be a little tricky to track down! And for God's sake, don't answer questions directed to the poster on somebody else's wall. Nobody likes a busybody.
Brag About It
I want to see all the wonderful things everyone's doing. That's the point. Bring on the puppy pics and milestones and noteworthy achievements. I love the vacation photos even though sometimes I get incredibly jealous when people are in Tahoe or the East Coast or Europe or Hawaii and I'm not! I still want to see the pictures, especially cute baby photos.
Network
I can't count the number of times I've hooked up on Facebook. Not sexually, but that would make for fun dinner party banter! Plumbers and handymen and wonderful places to stay. I've gotten free tickets to concerts that somebody is giving away. I've found that friends (real live, in the flesh friends) are in the same locale and we've gotten together. I've found out about numerous deaths much faster than I ever would by waiting for a newspaper.
Share The News
It seems like every recent news event from my friends has come with the caveat, "Don't post on Facebook". We have a friend who was expecting a baby and were repeatedly warned not to divulge anything about the labor or delivery. Understood. I can keep a secret if I know it's a secret, but if not, I can be a blurter. Sometimes it's hard to know if it's ok to share. Ask yourself: "Is it my news?". If not, then discretion may be the better part of valor.
Like It
The strangest aspect of Facebook is the silent readers. They look, but they don't touch. Some Facebook users leave all the posting and liking and commenting to others. I can sort of understand the reticence, but it takes two to Tango. We know you're looking, but you won't give a thumbs up for anything. You know who you are.
Big Brother data mining is a reality and a scary concept. Cookies are not just baked sweets anymore. You can listen to a Ted Talk about what your "likes" mean. It can feel creepy to think that advertisers are tracking your preferences. I'm not sure that's exactly how it works. I could ask Lucy, but I probably wouldn't understand the answer. A like or two here and there probably won't hurt you.
Instagram and Beyond
Instagram (owned by Facebook) has also gotten incredibly popular. Some people like it better. It's simpler. Post a photo, enhance photo (or not) with special effects. Some of our offspring are using Instagram even more than Facebook. When you post on Instagram, you can also share the same post on Facebook, so if you have the same friends on both sites there can be a potential for repeats which is boring.
Going Offline
There's Snapchat and Pinterest and a new app every minute. You can be an addict or an abstainer. What you should NOT do is tell people if you're going offline and why. It cracks me up when people post that they are going off Facebook for a while because it's too much of a time suck. Or when they warn you to not be offended that they’re not "liking" your posts for a while because they are taking a break. People have lives and 300 or 500 or a thousand "friends". They're not going to notice that you're not liking their posts! The same people who post such statements have rarely, if ever, liked my posts.
Be on. Be off. It really doesn't matter much. There's a lot to be said for living in the moment. Over sharing is a legitimate concern. Posting while drinking should be regulated. I recently saw the movie, "Chef" which was wonderful. I loved the part with the son helping the father succeed through social media. The father was completely clueless, but there's no escaping. It's the way of our world. If you're offline, you’ll be completely out of it and you won't know what everybody else knows and that may be ok with you. If you're on, you might as well like it.
My first experience with Facebook was in 2005 as the mother of teenagers. Along with Facebook came a new lexicon. Dinner table conversation became even more difficult to decipher than normal. Friending, unfriending, writing on walls. Not writing on walls. Who knew what it all meant.
Form a parental perch it seemed like a lot of drama over nothing, but high school is full of drama. Lana became obsessed with Facebook. She was constantly checking it and talking about who did what on Facebook. Now she's almost 28 and more reserved. She enjoys seeing posts, but doesn't often like to comment because then she'll be notified whenever someone else comments. She also gets annoyed by everyone's GPS postings. Sometimes you don't really care where people are drinking beer.
Time for the full disclosure. My daughter, Lucy, works at Facebook as Product Designer. What that is, I'm not exactly sure, but it keeps her really busy! End of disclosure. Back to post.
The Facebook etiquette can be a little confusing. Social media is so new we're not always sure how it works. I have been thinking about a few suggestions to minimize awkwardness. Let's start with the premise that your feelings (if you have them) WILL be hurt at some point. All your friends will be at a party to which you were not invited. You'll be tagged in a post in an unflattering angle with massive amounts of cellulite peeking out of your short shorts. My daughter, Allie (the PR princess), always shrugs her shoulders and says the same thing when she hears of some such drama or snub. "Gotta love Facebook. "
Promote Thyself
It's fine (even recommended) to use Facebook to promote yourself. Let's Face it (LOL), we all have something to promote. I'm in real estate and I got my last listing through Facebook. However, if you send a request for someone to "like" your business page and they don't "like" it, don't send three more requests! Also, people feel slimed if they sense you don't care about them at all and are ONLY using the site to publicize your business.
Be Nice
The Golden Rule is still golden online. Walls are visible to "friends" and friends may include bosses, exes, siblings, and children. Don't call somebody out in public. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Snarky comments reflect more on the commenter than on those commented upon.
Sex, Politics and Religion
Dinner party etiquette used to dictate that sex, politics and religion were forbidden topics. I disagree. I've been to a LOT of dinner parties and if all those topics were avoided, they wouldn't have been half as much fun! Be tasteful, be respectful and be prepared to have others disagree with you. I was once unfriended by someone after I made the comment that I couldn't understand how a woman could be a Republican. My comment was directly related to a women's rights issue. Some of my good friends are Republican women, but I still think the party's policies are not female-friendly.
Don't Take Over Someone's Wall
If you make a comment on a post and somebody else makes a comment, you may begin a hearty exchange. It could be the start of something big. But, be aware that other posters may be getting a notification every time you say something new. Sometimes it's best just to PM (private message) to finish the conversation. Speaking of PM, how do we like those bobble heads of our friends that pop up? The disembodied image can be a little tricky to track down! And for God's sake, don't answer questions directed to the poster on somebody else's wall. Nobody likes a busybody.
Brag About It
I want to see all the wonderful things everyone's doing. That's the point. Bring on the puppy pics and milestones and noteworthy achievements. I love the vacation photos even though sometimes I get incredibly jealous when people are in Tahoe or the East Coast or Europe or Hawaii and I'm not! I still want to see the pictures, especially cute baby photos.
Network
I can't count the number of times I've hooked up on Facebook. Not sexually, but that would make for fun dinner party banter! Plumbers and handymen and wonderful places to stay. I've gotten free tickets to concerts that somebody is giving away. I've found that friends (real live, in the flesh friends) are in the same locale and we've gotten together. I've found out about numerous deaths much faster than I ever would by waiting for a newspaper.
Share The News
It seems like every recent news event from my friends has come with the caveat, "Don't post on Facebook". We have a friend who was expecting a baby and were repeatedly warned not to divulge anything about the labor or delivery. Understood. I can keep a secret if I know it's a secret, but if not, I can be a blurter. Sometimes it's hard to know if it's ok to share. Ask yourself: "Is it my news?". If not, then discretion may be the better part of valor.
Like It
The strangest aspect of Facebook is the silent readers. They look, but they don't touch. Some Facebook users leave all the posting and liking and commenting to others. I can sort of understand the reticence, but it takes two to Tango. We know you're looking, but you won't give a thumbs up for anything. You know who you are.
Big Brother data mining is a reality and a scary concept. Cookies are not just baked sweets anymore. You can listen to a Ted Talk about what your "likes" mean. It can feel creepy to think that advertisers are tracking your preferences. I'm not sure that's exactly how it works. I could ask Lucy, but I probably wouldn't understand the answer. A like or two here and there probably won't hurt you.
Instagram and Beyond
Instagram (owned by Facebook) has also gotten incredibly popular. Some people like it better. It's simpler. Post a photo, enhance photo (or not) with special effects. Some of our offspring are using Instagram even more than Facebook. When you post on Instagram, you can also share the same post on Facebook, so if you have the same friends on both sites there can be a potential for repeats which is boring.
Going Offline
There's Snapchat and Pinterest and a new app every minute. You can be an addict or an abstainer. What you should NOT do is tell people if you're going offline and why. It cracks me up when people post that they are going off Facebook for a while because it's too much of a time suck. Or when they warn you to not be offended that they’re not "liking" your posts for a while because they are taking a break. People have lives and 300 or 500 or a thousand "friends". They're not going to notice that you're not liking their posts! The same people who post such statements have rarely, if ever, liked my posts.
Be on. Be off. It really doesn't matter much. There's a lot to be said for living in the moment. Over sharing is a legitimate concern. Posting while drinking should be regulated. I recently saw the movie, "Chef" which was wonderful. I loved the part with the son helping the father succeed through social media. The father was completely clueless, but there's no escaping. It's the way of our world. If you're offline, you’ll be completely out of it and you won't know what everybody else knows and that may be ok with you. If you're on, you might as well like it.
No comments:
Post a Comment