OH TIGER

They say a person can’t be too rich or too thin. They are wrong. The “blonde” bombshell, though shrapnel is still flying, has already proven that Tiger Woods is WAY too rich. He likes kinky sex with trashy cocktail waitress types who are not his wife. I can say that because I used to be a cocktail waitress. We understand the concept of infidelity. What is so hard to fathom is the multi-tasking aspect. Men can’t usually do that very well. He either had help keeping all the affairs straight or golf isn’t his only strength. I’ve lost track, now, of the bimbo count but it seems to be around a golfer’s dozen. And the heartbreak. These poor women coming out in a trail of tears talking about how betrayed they feel. How dare he? How could he be seeing someone else? It’s just so unfair. Hello, spare the sob story. Did you forget that he is MARRIED?

There’s a joke going around the internet saying that the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods is that Santa usually sticks to three Ho’s at a time. He obviously has a problem. A number of problems, really. Now we know that he’s a cheater but it’s shocking to learn how cheap he is. One woman who said she’d been with him for a year and a half and had never gotten so much as a birthday card broke it off because when she asked him for a little financial help, Tiger said no can do. The cad.

I could care less about Tiger the brand. I don’t drink Gatorade and I don’t buy golf apparel. What is so sad is the way he thought his billion dollars really made him above it all. He so obviously lost his bearings when he had enough money to buy whatever he wanted - like the proverbial kid in the candy store. Is this what every guy wants? It makes it seem so. It’s confusing because Tiger wasn’t just going for sex with someone strange. He juggled multiple long-term affairs as well as a wife and family and business and sports career. What man, and I use the term loosely, who can have anything he wants would pick that? It’s too much work. There is obviously something very wrong with his psyche, more than you’d find in a normal way too rich guy.

I feel sorry for Tiger and we haven’t even seen the nude photos of him yet. He is not right inside his head or his heart. No matter what happens in the future, unless he’s a sociopath, he will always feel shame and remorse for the way he’s lived. He didn’t just transgress, to use his word. He lost his soul. He gives men and athletes a bad name. Think O.J. It’s such an unfortunate fall to the lowest common denominator. It’s not, as one commentator put it, that he needs to figure out whether he wants to be married or he wants to be a bachelor. He needs to find the place inside that is worth something. The gift of greatness came with such a price. I hope he can heal the hole in one.